Whenever a national tragedy occurs,
such as terrorist attacks or natural disasters, children, like many people, may
be confused or frightened. Most likely they will look to adults for information
and guidance on how to react. Parents and school personnel can help
children cope first and foremost by establishing a sense of safety and
security. As more information becomes available, adults can continue to help
children work through their emotions and perhaps even use the process as a
learning experience.
All Adults Should:
1.
Model calm and control.
Children take their emotional cues from the significant adults in their lives.
Avoid appearing anxious or frightened.
2.
Reassure children that they are safe and (if true) so are the other important adults in
their lives. Depending on the situation, point out factors that help insure
their immediate safety and that of their community.
3.
Remind them that trustworthy people are in charge. Explain
that the government emergency workers, police, firefighters, doctors, and the
military are helping people who are hurt and are working to ensure that no
further tragedies occur.
4.
Let children know that it is okay to feel upset. Explain
that all feelings are okay when a tragedy like this occurs. Let children
talk about their feelings and help put them into perspective. Even anger
is okay, but children may need help and patience from adults to assist them in
expressing these feelings appropriately.
5.
Observe children’s emotional state.
Depending on their age, children may not express their concerns verbally.
Changes in behavior, appetite, and sleep patterns can also indicate a child’s
level of grief, anxiety or discomfort. Children will express their
emotions differently. There is no right or wrong way to feel or express grief.
6.
Look for children at greater risk.
Children who have had a past traumatic experience or personal loss, suffer from
depression or other mental illness, or with special needs may be at greater
risk for severe reactions than others. Be particularly observant for
those who may be at risk of suicide. Seek the help of mental health
professional if you are at all concerned.
7.
Tell children the truth. Don’t try to
pretend the event has not occurred or that it is not serious. Children
are smart. They will be more worried if they think you are too afraid to
tell them what is happening.
8.
Stick to the facts. Don’t
embellish or speculate about what has happened and what might happen. Don’t
dwell on the scale or scope of the tragedy, particularly with young children.
9.
Keep your explanations developmentally appropriate. Early elementary school children need brief, simple
information that should be balanced with reassurances that the daily structures
of their lives will not change. Upper
elementary and early middle school children
will be more vocal in asking questions about whether they truly are safe and
what is being done at their school. They may need assistance separating
reality from fantasy. Upper
middle school and high school students
will have strong and varying opinions about the causes of violence and threats
to safety in schools and society. They will share concrete suggestions
about how to make school safer and how to prevent tragedies in society. They
will be more committed to doing something to help the victims and affected
community. For all
children, encourage them to verbalize their thoughts and feelings. Be a good
listener!
10.
Monitor your own stress level. Don’t ignore your own feelings
of anxiety, grief, and anger. Talking to friends, family members, religious
leaders, and mental health counselors can help. It is okay to let your children
know that you are sad, but that you believe things will get better. You will be
better able to support your children if you can express your own emotions in a
productive manner. Get appropriate sleep, nutrition, and exercise.
What Parents Can Do:
1.
Focus on your children over the week following the tragedy.
Tell them you love them and everything will be okay. Try to help them
understand what has happened, keeping in mind their developmental level.
2.
Make time to talk with your children. Remember if you do not
talk to your children about this incident someone else will. Take some time and
determine what you wish to say.
3.
Stay close to your children. Your physical presence will reassure
them and give you the opportunity to monitor their reaction. Many children will
want actual physical contact. Give plenty of hugs. Let them sit
close to you, and make sure to take extra time at bedtime to cuddle and to
reassure them that they are loved and safe.
4.
Limit your child’s television viewing of these events. If
they must watch, watch with them for a brief time; then turn the set off.
Don’t sit mesmerized re-watching the same events over and over again.
5.
Maintain a “normal” routine. To the extent possible stick to your
family’s normal routine for dinner, homework, chores, bedtime, etc., but don’t be inflexible.
Children may have a hard time concentrating on schoolwork or falling asleep at
night.
6.
Spend extra time reading or playing quiet games with your children
before bed. These activities are calming, foster a sense of closeness and
security, and reinforce a sense of normalcy. Spend more time tucking them
in. Let them sleep with a light on if they ask for it.
7.
Safeguard your children’s physical health. Stress can take a
physical toll on children as well as adults. Make sure your children get
appropriate sleep, exercise, and nutrition.
8.
Consider thinking hopeful thoughts for the victims and their
families. It may be a good time to take your children to your place of
worship, write a poem, or draw a picture to help your child express their
feelings and feel that they are somehow supporting the victims and their
families.
9.
Access the school’s resources. Most
schools are likely to be open and often are a good place for children to regain
a sense of normalcy. Being with their friends and teachers can
help. Schools should also have a plan for making counseling available to
children and adults who need it.